Today I was reminded about why some people should never become parents. I look around and I see plenty of wonderful people that are amazing and loving parents and then I see some that I swear should never be allowed to breed…period! It bugs me to be honest. Why you must wonder because I am one of those parents that would move heaven and earth for her children. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them and if anyone ever tries to hurt them, well…we won’t go there.
To understand where I come from is to know my history so I will try to keep it short but I know you’ll get the point at the end. My daughters were once taken away from me by the Ministry of Family and Child Services. Not for anything I did mind you but for what my now ex-husband did. We had taken custody of his niece when she was only 18 months old and a few months after that we found out I was pregnant. Three months after my beautiful youngest daughter was born all hell broke out. He became abusive. I was mentally and emotionally abused, he physically hurt our “daughter” (his niece) and then he did something to add to the horror, he nearly killed our three month old baby by violently shaking her causing 5 cracked ribs. SHE WAS ONLY 3 MONTHS OLD!!! I didn’t know at the time what he had done, but I soon found out. My mother and I had taken her into the hospital on a totally different reason and that’s when the bruising on her back and chest were noticed. X-Rays showed the cracked ribs and it became a living nightmare from there. The ministry is called the police are called, interviews given…so on and so forth. In the end, both my girls were removed from our care and I wasn’t even allowed to be at the hospital with my daughter while she healed. All this while I’m trying to figure out what’s going on and he’s denying everything. It wasn’t till days later he finally admitted to what he had done, and needless to say he didn’t stay in my house for very long after that. Out went that SOB! However now I was left to pick up the pieces and fight tooth and nail to get my girls home.
Even though my oldest daughter is technically his niece I fought for her too. I wasn’t willing to let her go back in the system, or worse back to that family so when I fought for my little one fighting for her was just as important to me. My social worker made me go to a parenting course, which at the time I resented but soon found it to be the best possible thing for me. I loved it so much after my first round was done I decided (on my own) to do another round of it. That showed the ministry how serious I was. I went to every visit, I did EVERYTHING I needed to and then some to make sure I got my girls home. Once they were returned I moved so my ex couldn’t find me. When I caught wind that he had found me, I moved again. To keep my babies safe I would move to Timbuktu if I had to! I have successfully kept them safe from him for eleven years now and I will continue to do so. I have remarried and he is amazing. My girls love him and adore him as much as he does them. I couldn’t be happier. I still do all that I can to keep them safe though. I make sure they have everything they need and I make sure they know and feel they are loved unconditionally.
As far as I am concerned, the minute I decided to take custody of my eldest daughter and conceive my youngest daughter I became not only a responsible adult, but a responsible parent. They were always going to be #1 in my life. Now why can’t some people be that way with their own children? There is this lady I know who just recently had her own kids taken away…AGAIN! This isn’t the first time and if she doesn’t smarten up it won’t be the last. She doesn’t do much for them unless it’s to keep appointments or get them to/from school and daycare. Her house is a pit, she rarely ever cooks for them and if they don’t want a bath and brush their teeth, oh well…she doesn’t enforce it. I can’t believe a mother no less would care so little about the health and well being of the children she brought into this world. Do you think she’s fighting hard to get them home? No of course not. She would rather hang with her friends or go to the bar and get drunk. What does she care, she’s free. Kids will come home when they do and till then let’s have fun! NOT!!! I hate to say it, but I really do hope those kids end up with homes that will give them the love and affection they deserve. Their own mother obviously doesn’t care.
Maybe a psychological test should be given to people thinking about having children. To see where their mind is at and if they’re emotionally and mentally stable enough to have children. Maybe then there would be less kids in care. Who knows, this is just my opinion and I’m sure many will disagree with what I’ve ranted about and that’s ok. You’re entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. 🙂
I just needed to rant and get that off my chest. It’s been bugging me all day!
I’m not a perfect parent, Gods know I’m not. I am human and I have made mistakes in life and in parenting, but I do all that I can for them, again, because they are #1 in my world…along with my husband of course!
So I ask you, how do you deal with people like this? What would you do? Any advice you would give them or just let them hang themselves and hope the kids end up with a “happily ever after”? Thoughts and opinions welcome.