Rollercoaster

I have to get this out or it’s just going to eat me alive. I’m already struggling with my emotions and I fear if I hold it in any longer I may end up doing or saying something that I could ultimately regret down the road.

I’ve had to deal with a situation today on a social networking site. Most of you that have read my blogs know that my eldest daughter is adopted. I’ve had her since she was 18 months old and I am the only mother she knows. My husband isn’t her bio-dad but is the only father she knows. Well today I discovered that her bio-dad managed to find me on this networking site under a different account. I have him blocked but did not know of the secondary account till today. I at one point had my daughters up as a cover photo. Once I realized that those are public and you cannot set them so only friends see it I deleted the picture. Of course all my other albums are private and only friends can see it. Unfortunately I didn’t get it in time and now my old cover photo is his cover photo.

I have had friends send messages regarding this photo to the site admin in hopes it would spark and investigation and that picture will be removed. So far it’s still there. My husband and I have done the same and my daughter has too now. With my help. She doesn’t want him to have the picture and she was quite upset that he did have it. So hopefully someone there will get the fricken hint and do something about it. I have gone and blocked the secondary account that he has as well as his significant other’s account from not only my page but on my children’s accounts too.

This alone has been a huge issue for me to deal with today and I have done pretty good in holding in my emotions and not breaking down. Now though all I want to do is cry. That strength and determination I have had all day is staring to wear thin and I can feel the tears building and I am trying so very hard to not let them spill. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on though. Deep breaths right? That’s what I keep telling myself. This is MY baby. MY daughter, he gave up his rights to her a hell of a long time ago. What he did is wrong and I really do hope something is done about this. If the admins of this site doesn’t then I will be going to the local police and media. Something has to be done. They are all about privacy rights and how they’re all that and a bag of Doritos…well now is the time to prove it.

Ok so the anger is rebuilding, but the feeling I want to cry is there too. What do I do? How do I deal with this? Do I just let it out and scream into a pillow? Break something? I know I’m not alone in this battle. I have such a loving and supporting group of friends…but at this moment in time, right now and right here, I feel like I’m having to deal with my emotions alone…and I just don’t know how.

I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the kind of blog you’re used to seeing from me, I just needed to get that off my chest in hopes that it would help…in a way it has…but in a way it hasn’t. I don’t know….*sighs*

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