A New Beginning

Here we are, 2014. A new year, new opportunities, new hopes and dreams. Let’s take a look at last year. Not all of it was good that’s for sure, but I must say, the last couple of weeks of the year was a nice change of pace. Things were different for me. Happier than I have ever been to be honest. A lot of that is due to a change in my thinking pattern.

I at one point was a very confident woman. I didn’t take crap from anyone, I stood my ground, and I felt really good about myself. And then I met my ex-husband and all that went to hell in a hand basket. I was emotionally and mentally abused. Down to the point where I hated myself. How I looked, for one. I became a mouse. I stayed home and did nothing. Then I became a mom and I just channeled all my energy into my daughters. Eventually I did get out of that relationship but it has been so hard for me to get back to the woman I once was. From 2001 until just last month of last year, the only things that did change about me was that I had my voice back so I didn’t let people walk all over me. I did stand my ground for things I believed in. The one thing that didn’t change, was the fact that no matter what I did, or how I did it, I could not change how I felt about myself and my self-esteem dropped lower and lower. I eventually got to where I couldn’t accept compliments honestly. I would thank a person, but I didn’t see what they did so I didn’t believe it. I fell into a rut of sorts. I was a wife, mother, friend, daughter, teacher…but somewhere along the way I lost myself as a woman. I didn’t feel sexy or sensual. I didn’t feel beautiful at all. I would put myself down constantly, either in private. To my husband, or worse…to my children.

I had a huge eye opener though. I read an article, and I will share it with you here. It is a must read!

 https://medium.com/human-parts/bf5111e68cc1

After I read that I cried. I do this. I’m a hypocrite and I need to stop. I cannot have this cycle repeat. I need to work harder on changing the way I see things and how I feel about myself. I need to rediscover that confidence I once had. This has been a huge life changer for me. I have begun to see things in a more positive light. I focus on the good things, not the bad. I even begun to love snow! Yes, I always hated it. I believed it should only snow on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, after that it can melt away and I wouldn’t cry. During the last snow fall though I sat and really enjoyed it. I even enjoyed being out driving in it! I haven’t put myself down at all and I have accepted plenty of compliments with an open heart knowing they are sincere words and people don’t just say them out of pity. They say it because they mean it. I have begun to socialize more and even plan on having at least one Ladies Night a month just so I have other women to talk to and enjoy life with. My relationship with my husband has gotten better as well. We talk more openly about things. We don’t worry about what the other will think or say, or if there will be hurt emotions/feelings after. It is nice to be in this good a place. I go to bed happy, and I wake up happy.

The only thing I know will take a bit longer will be how I see myself and how I feel about myself. I don’t think it’s going to be as hard as it once was though and that is a new and exciting feeling for me. I KNOW I will be that woman again, and I don’t think it will take as long for me to get there this time. I am beautiful. I am a good person. I am strong. I am sexy. Just because I am a bigger girl doesn’t mean I am not attractive. I have curves, and I am soft. At least I’m not a tiny woman that some men, or women, would be afraid to hug! I will no longer listen to those people that have nothing better to do other than put me down for who I am. I realize they are unhappy with their own life and they feel the need to project that on to me and my life. Well, no more. You want to be unhappy, you can do it on your own, or you can let go of it and see the beauty life has to offer. I love who I am becoming and I am looking forward to this year and all the possibilities that await me.

Sexy is a state of mind. Find your inner sexy and let it shine!

Happy New Year!

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