Lately I have been thinking a lot about regrets and forgiveness. I think with everything going on in my world right now it has made me more aware of my life and well, with life in general. Things are happening quickly for my Mom and sadly the ALS is progressing quicker than any of us anticipated. I was not prepared to hear that news last week. I don’t think I’m prepared even now. I see her every day and she looks good. You can’t tell that she is suffering unless you ask her or she tells you. It’s hard though. Hard to see my once strong and independent Mother have to rely and depend on her loved ones for help. She has always been a proud woman. Maybe stubborn would be a better choice…lol.
A long time ago she parted ways with her best friend. They had a falling out but neither of them spoke to each other for many years after that. It was a sad time for her. For all of us really. We used to be very very close. Then one day, we weren’t. Just the other day my Mom asked if I could somehow find them so she can talk to them and ask for forgiveness. It broke my heart to hear that but only because I couldn’t understand what it was she was asking forgiveness for. I told her I would do whatever I could to make that happen and I did.
Today she talked to her old best friend and cried. She asked for forgiveness as best as she could. With how badly her speech has become though, I had to translate what she was trying to say. Of course she was told there was nothing to forgive that whatever happened was basically water under the bridge. That warmed my heart. It was so nice to hear that and we all had a lovely conversation. It was nice to reconnect and I hope to see them one day very soon. This had me thinking though of my old friendships and how things ended. One never does know what tomorrow will bring and really, is there a point in holding on to grudges from years past? Shouldn’t we just let things go and move forward? There is never anything wrong with saying you’re sorry, or admitting you were wrong.
I know I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my time and I can never take them back. All I can ever do is apologize and hope that one day I will be forgiven. I have let go of all the hurt that has ever been done to me and for many I have forgiven them. In time, I think I’ll be able to forgive them all…or at least, try to. If there is one thing I have learned from this whole experience is that life is way too short for hurt and anger. Too short for regrets and holding on to grudges. Live life, enjoy it. Don’t be afraid to ask for forgiveness and don’t be afraid to forgive.
Even now, with everything she is going through, my Momma is teaching me life lessons. Thank you Momma! I will follow your example and hope that I am able to teach my lovelies the same thing. You have always been a true inspiration, and I know you always will be.
To all those that I have hurt in the past, or the present, I am truly sorry. I have no excuses but just know, it was never intentional. I hope you can one day forgive me. To all those that have hurt me, I forgive you. We may never talk again, or it will be many months or years before we do, but I will be open to that and will not turn you away. I hope that we can one day get to that point.
Take a page from my Mom’s book folks. Forgive and ask to be forgiven if you know you have done something you shouldn’t have. Live your life in peace.