A Changed Woman

I will fly high and I will soar,
like my ancestors have done before.
I will love life and be free,
never fearing of being just me.

I’ve discovered the woman I once was,
not just my beauty but all my flaws.
I’m a lioness with a mighty roar,
not like the mouse I was before.

I can stand tall and be proud,
not hiding from any crowd.
No longer am I haunted,
I am a woman undaunted!

If you won’t pick me up off the floor,
then I will happily show you the door.
I will falter and I will fall,
but will you be there when I call?

Accept me for the woman I am today,
I’m never leaving and I’m here to stay.

Marina A. Raven
Copyright 2014

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Hello Spring

Gentle winds caress budding leaves,
grass sways as the flowers grow.
Mother Earth is alive again,
as we bid farewell to the melting snow.

With Spring comes a new love,
a hope that burns as bright as the sun.
Animals prepare their nests and homes,
working hard until it is done.

As night falls the world will sleep,
resting a while till the morning light.
The birds will sing as they rise,
greeting the Lady in all her might.

The wonder of Spring is here at last,
rejoice and admire the changes you’ll see.
Enjoy the beauty of the season,
live, love, and be free!

Marina A. Raven
Copyright 2014

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Reunited

Lost souls,
reunited at last.
Coming together,
from a distant past.

Broken hearts,
beat as one.
Hope everlasting,
cannot be undone.

Lovers awaken,
from a darkened sleep.
Remembering passion,
that runs so deep.

Lustful bodies,
ignite a fire.
together they dance,
rising higher and higher.

Promises made,
will be promises kept.
From now until the end,
this, they will accept.

Marina A. Raven.
Copyright 2014.

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The Little Things In Life

Spring is such a beautiful time of year. New growth and rebirth. I love watching all the plants and trees come to life. I love to watch birds fly around gathering things to make their nests. The other day I even saw a bumble bee. A big fat and fuzzy bumble bee…I loved it! There is such a fresh scent in the air. I especially love the sweet smell of flowers and the freshly cut grass. Even the rain has a different feel to it. I can sit for hours just enjoy a nice cup of tea as the rain falls.

Earlier this year I decided to change my outlook on life and of myself. I’m doing good with that I can honestly say, I do feel stronger. Emotionally and mentally. Physically it will take some time, but I know it will happen. For now though, I think I’m going to just enjoy these little things that make me smile. It just feels good to actually smile and not have to fake it for once!

Yesterday my FB status read, “Today, take the time out to tell someone how much they mean to you. Even if it’s just a quick text to say hello. Bring a smile to someone’s face…because when they smile, you’ll smile. I love you…and you mean the world to me. I am very fortunate to have you in my life. Thank you for being the wonderful person that you are.” I had some very amazing feedback from that. I wasn’t telling just one person I loved them, I was telling all my friends that, and they knew it! It’s so true though, I know I made people smile, I could sense it and in turn, it made me smile. I’m not crazy…lol. Ok well maybe I am a bit, but the positive energies you put forward can be felt by a lot of people and it does make a difference on your own thoughts and perceptions. Don’t be afraid to tell someone how much they mean to you, don’t be afraid to just send a quick text giving cyber hugs. Most importantly, don’t forget to tell yourself how amazing you are and how much you are appreciated. Feel the words, don’t just say them. Just look into a mirror and say what comes to your mind and speak from your heart…always!

Then, the next time you’re out and about, enjoy your city! Hug a tree, stop a moment and smell the flowers. Take your shoes off and feel the grass between your toes. Don’t be afraid to roll down your car window, crank the tunes, and sing out loud to your heart’s content…and don’t worry about people looking at you. Wave at them and say hello! Wish them a good day even. Enjoy the life you have. Look for the positives and forget the negatives. Even if things aren’t going well for you and you’re struggling with stuff, make sure you remember the good things. Those little things!

I once saw a quote, “Make today better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today.” I can’t remember who wrote it but it stuck with me for a very long time. I used to live my life like that, but then things happened and my life changed big time and not for the better. I lost sight of all the things I used to love, on my own strengths, and just with positivity in general. I am going to live by that quote once more. I may not always be successful, but I will do whatever I can to bring positive changes to my life and to others. I will do whatever I can to be a positive role model for my daughters, and I will accept the things I cannot change without resorting to putting myself down because I couldn’t change it. I know not everything can be changed. Expecting that would be unrealistic!

It all starts with the little things though, so go, get out there…enjoy life and everything it has to offer! Smile along the way, and make sure you bring a smile to at least one person every day. It doesn’t have to be some big huge display, keep it small and keep it simple. You’ll be surprised how much that small gesture can bring big smiles to someone’s face!

Keep smilin’!

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Love unconditionally

Not too long ago I wrote a status message on Facebook about love and how it’s worth fighting for. I mentioned I could probably go on about it but it would have to be in a blog. Only because that’s a long post and not one for FB. So is love worth fighting for? I believe it is. When you’re lucky enough to find that right person. The one you think about all the time, the one that makes your heart beat faster, the one that makes you smile, even if they’re not around, then yes, most definitely, love is worth fighting for. Not everyone is blessed with what you found, so hold on to it!

It’s never easy. Being in love, or giving all that you are to one person. Sometimes it’s not even for one person. You can share your love for multiple people. Polyamorous  relationships aren’t uncommon in this day and age…but it’s not for everyone. I love many different people in different ways. The romantic love that I feel though is for one person and one person only. It’s not always easy, and we have our issues too. Most couples will, but we work though it and we strive to have a happy and healthy relationship. Love isn’t easy, it’s hard work. The emotion may come easily but to maintain that happiness you have to work on it together. You’re not just there for the good times, but that means you’re there for the bad times too. You’re there during all the ups and downs. You’re there for all of life’s little obstacles. Giving up may seem like the logical choice, or is it the easy choice, when things aren’t going according to your thoughts or plans. Is that being real, or is that just not caring enough to try? There is NO plan when it comes to love. It’s an emotion that comes naturally and you just work with it. Sure you have to work on keeping it harmonious but you can’t expect things to be a certain way when you’re in love. That’s unpredictable and ever changing.

I’m by far an expert on the subject. I’ve been divorced twice and I’m married for a third time. I’ve had plenty of failed relationships on the way, but I have learned a few things along the way. Heck, I must be doing something right though. I’ve been with my love for almost 10 years, and we’ve been married for almost 7 of those years. The longest relationship I’ve had! We have had some rough points, but we worked through them. He’s not perfect and neither am I, and we have accepted that. We don’t expect much from one another but trust and honesty. We tell each other I love you often, and although he drives me nuts (as I know I do him), I can’t imagine my life without him in it. In the beginning of our relationship, many people believed we wouldn’t make it 6 months. Here we are, nearly 10 years later.

If I have any advice to give it would be this:

1. If you feel you have found the one for you then you don’t give up. You do whatever you can without giving too much of yourself to make the person you’re with see how much he/she means to you.

2. If you’re expecting love to be a certain way then get rid of that thought immediately. You will do nothing but set yourself up for disappointment if you don’t. Let it be natural and free flowing without expectations.

3. Never make the person you’re with feel as if he/she is a part time boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. If you’re in it, then you’re in it 100% or not at all. You can’t just have them around for the good times, they’re there for the bad too. You can’t just keep taking from them and not giving anything back. If you do, chances are you will lose them.

4. Make time for the one you’re with. Quality time together can go a long way. Even if it means dedicating a day or two just for you. Sure it’s always good to be social and to invite your love on outings or hanging out with friends, but as a couple you need time alone too. Just the two of you. Your busy social life will always be there, he/she may not. Nothing wrong with just shutting out everyone for a day or two and bonding. Everyone has done it, it’s healthy for your relationship. Just remember though, if you do make plans with your love, then don’t go changing them at the last minute. Don’t forget that you’ve made these plans and most of all, don’t be afraid to tell anyone that you aren’t going to change them. This is about you and the one you’re with. Everyone else can wait.

5. Leave little messages. Love notes or texts. Tell them how much they mean to you often. Words of affirmation and/or love shows the one you’re with how much you’re thinking about them. Follow up on that though by SHOWING them too. You can’t just say the words and not show them how much they mean to you or how much you do love them. Actions do speak louder than words.

I’m sure in time I’ll think of a few more but for now, this is a good start. Ones I think young couples or freshly started relationships could benefit from. At least I hope! Like I said, I’m no expert…lol!

Every love story is different. Some will work out, others will not. Only time will tell how yours will go.

 

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People Watching

I did something I haven’t done in such a long time and it felt FANTASTIC! The simple things amuse me often. After dropping my darling husband off at work I went to the closest park and had my lunch, but while there I people watched! It was exciting and so uplifting. I saw people of all ages. From infants, to toddlers, and kids to young adults and even the elderly. Different dynamics too. Families, couples, friends it was such a great feeling to feel that kind of Life.

I looked around at the scene before me and among the sleeping trees with no leaves where still signs of life in the green cedars that stood tall beside them or behind them. Animals scurrying around looking for food, and just the air itself felt alive. I enjoyed my day immensely! Next time I think I’ll take my camera with me and try to get there earlier. Parking was a bit of an issue but whatever. It was still a great day.

I never realized how much I actually missed doing this. Years and years ago, before marriage or children, I used to do this often. I would grab a coffee and go down to the beach or park and just sit there enjoying the peace around me. Occasionally someone would walk by and I would greet them with a smile or a hello, but most times I would just sit quietly and watch those in the distance moving around. When I was ready to come home I even detoured and took a different route home. I was in no rush and hey if I got lost along the way I wasn’t worried. I’d eventually find myself back out to where I need to get to. Took me less time actually to get home from where I was than it would have if I had stuck to the same route. I was tired of it though, I needed a change of scenery…lol!

So tell me lovely followers, when was the last time you sat somewhere and “people watched” for a little while. What did you experience? How did it make you feel? Share with me please! I would love to hear what you have to say.

Also, thank you by the way for following. I have never been able to thank you and I think you should know I appreciate you following me and I am glad I have given you something that you find interesting to read. I hope you will find future writings just as interesting! J

Enjoy your day and I hope you all have a FABULOUS weekend before everything goes back to normal on Monday…LOL!

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A New Beginning

Here we are, 2014. A new year, new opportunities, new hopes and dreams. Let’s take a look at last year. Not all of it was good that’s for sure, but I must say, the last couple of weeks of the year was a nice change of pace. Things were different for me. Happier than I have ever been to be honest. A lot of that is due to a change in my thinking pattern.

I at one point was a very confident woman. I didn’t take crap from anyone, I stood my ground, and I felt really good about myself. And then I met my ex-husband and all that went to hell in a hand basket. I was emotionally and mentally abused. Down to the point where I hated myself. How I looked, for one. I became a mouse. I stayed home and did nothing. Then I became a mom and I just channeled all my energy into my daughters. Eventually I did get out of that relationship but it has been so hard for me to get back to the woman I once was. From 2001 until just last month of last year, the only things that did change about me was that I had my voice back so I didn’t let people walk all over me. I did stand my ground for things I believed in. The one thing that didn’t change, was the fact that no matter what I did, or how I did it, I could not change how I felt about myself and my self-esteem dropped lower and lower. I eventually got to where I couldn’t accept compliments honestly. I would thank a person, but I didn’t see what they did so I didn’t believe it. I fell into a rut of sorts. I was a wife, mother, friend, daughter, teacher…but somewhere along the way I lost myself as a woman. I didn’t feel sexy or sensual. I didn’t feel beautiful at all. I would put myself down constantly, either in private. To my husband, or worse…to my children.

I had a huge eye opener though. I read an article, and I will share it with you here. It is a must read!

 https://medium.com/human-parts/bf5111e68cc1

After I read that I cried. I do this. I’m a hypocrite and I need to stop. I cannot have this cycle repeat. I need to work harder on changing the way I see things and how I feel about myself. I need to rediscover that confidence I once had. This has been a huge life changer for me. I have begun to see things in a more positive light. I focus on the good things, not the bad. I even begun to love snow! Yes, I always hated it. I believed it should only snow on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, after that it can melt away and I wouldn’t cry. During the last snow fall though I sat and really enjoyed it. I even enjoyed being out driving in it! I haven’t put myself down at all and I have accepted plenty of compliments with an open heart knowing they are sincere words and people don’t just say them out of pity. They say it because they mean it. I have begun to socialize more and even plan on having at least one Ladies Night a month just so I have other women to talk to and enjoy life with. My relationship with my husband has gotten better as well. We talk more openly about things. We don’t worry about what the other will think or say, or if there will be hurt emotions/feelings after. It is nice to be in this good a place. I go to bed happy, and I wake up happy.

The only thing I know will take a bit longer will be how I see myself and how I feel about myself. I don’t think it’s going to be as hard as it once was though and that is a new and exciting feeling for me. I KNOW I will be that woman again, and I don’t think it will take as long for me to get there this time. I am beautiful. I am a good person. I am strong. I am sexy. Just because I am a bigger girl doesn’t mean I am not attractive. I have curves, and I am soft. At least I’m not a tiny woman that some men, or women, would be afraid to hug! I will no longer listen to those people that have nothing better to do other than put me down for who I am. I realize they are unhappy with their own life and they feel the need to project that on to me and my life. Well, no more. You want to be unhappy, you can do it on your own, or you can let go of it and see the beauty life has to offer. I love who I am becoming and I am looking forward to this year and all the possibilities that await me.

Sexy is a state of mind. Find your inner sexy and let it shine!

Happy New Year!

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Crumble

Crumble…

Broken down,
beat down,
shattered.

Heart feels pain,
mind stays the same.
Confidence replaced,
self-esteem erased.

Can’t see the beauty no more,
ugliness creeps through the door.
Undeserving of love,
Intimacy no longer thought of.

Darkness descends,
my presences offends.
Lonely is the road I travel,
as my strength begins to unravel.

Ask the mirror on the wall,
Who’s the fairest of them all?
The reply I seem to hear,
’tis not you my dear.

Inward beauty isn’t always enough,
not when the soul feels so rough.
Longing for something, anything that’s true,
longing for love, from no one else but you.

M. A. Raven
Copyright 2013

 

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Friendship

Let me start off first by saying, I am in no way saying I am THE perfect friend. I have my faults and I know there have been many times over the years where I could have been a better friend to people in my life. I’m only human and I make mistakes. Sometimes it’s just I can’t deal with certain situations so I pull away and I shut down. Making it look as though I don’t care. I do, but I need time in which to process things my own way. It may take a few days to a few months, sometimes even longer. That being said, let us continue.

I have been thinking about friendship and what it means to people. I love my friends. There are some I consider a part of my family. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them. I love seeing them and I love spending time with them. There are others that are friends, but not as close to me as my “extended family” is. I was thinking about my friends for a while now and where we all are now. Life over the years have changed, which in turn changes us in a way. It’s to be expected. It is after all part of evolving. That doesn’t mean I love my friends any less. They are a constant in my life and I’m blessed to have them.

There has been times in which I’ve had to say goodbye to friends. Some for positive reasons, others not so positive. Some of those people I do miss though and often wonder how they are. There is one in particular I really miss and would love to talk to, just to see how he is. Maybe one day our paths will cross and I just recently reconnected with an old friend too. Friends will come and go, that’s just how life works. It’s sad though at times isn’t it?

I look at the friends my girls have and there are times when I’m heartbroken. My eldest daughter is 15 and although she goes to school with a lot of the kids she went to elementary with, she’s not friends with all of them anymore. More like a passing acquaintance. A lot of them don’t ask her to hang out or do things with. Even the ones that did she doesn’t see very much anymore. Yet they can make the time to do other things with other people, completely ignoring my child. It’s hard to see. She seems to not worry about it so much but I worry for her. She’s different sure, but she’s still human. Even her best friend doesn’t hang out with her as much. Not like she used to that’s for sure. It amazes me how time can change people. Two girls that were so close, inseparable at times, now may see each other every now and then. Makes me wonder what will happen when my youngest child starts high school next year. Social interaction is important to development just as much as academics and athletics are. Will she lose all the close friendships she’s made in elementary? Will things be different for her?

I have amazing kids, people would notice that if they just spent some time getting to know them. High school can be so harsh, even more so on young impressionable teenage girls.  I’ve lost a lot of the people I used to be friends with in high school too. For a while I kept in contact after graduation with a few of them, but then as our lives changed so did our friendship. During high school though, I tried to maintain friendships with those I had known from elementary. For the most part I succeeded. Made some new ones along the way too. Now, I’ve reconnected with some of those old friends from elementary and high school. Not all mind you, but some. Would be nice to see them more often though. I need a social life!! LOL. It would be nice to just see more of my friends in general…no matter from elementary or high school, or my adult years. I’ve gotten to a point in my life right now that I don’t even have the motivation to host events like I used to. I never know who’s going to come. I guess you could say I’m gun shy. I don’t handle rejection very well so when someone says they’re not coming I end up taking it personally. Even though that isn’t the intent and I know that deep down inside. My mind says one thing and my heart says another. When my kids get left out by their friends, I take it even more personally. I know I shouldn’t, but it happens.

Friendships are precious. Cherish the ones you have now and look forward to the ones you may one day make. Love them unconditionally as you would love your family because in a sense, they too are family.

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Autumn

Red, yellow, orange, and brown,
autumn leaves fall gently to the ground.
Season turn is here once more,
as the rain begins to pour.

Autumn sun shines big and bright,
cooler weather greets you at night.
Roaring fires to keep you warm,
during Autumn’s mighty storms.

Farmers rush to harvest their fields,
offering people what it yields.
Planting season is at its end,
until Spring arrives to start again.

Autumn festivals  begin soon too,
making sure you have lots to do.
Candy apples and ciders with spice,
cakes and pies offered by the slice.

One day soon the earth with sleep,
and you’ll hear not a sound or peep.
She will rise again when the time is right,
this beautiful world in all her might.

Goodnight green earth we’ll see you soon,
with the passing of each full moon.

M. A. Raven
(c) 2012

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