Hope

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually blogged anything. July 2018 was my last posting and that was just a poem for my daughter. Life has been rather interesting since 2017 and I haven’t had much emotional or mental energy to post much about life because of all that transpired in 2017. Anywho, here I am with another thought provoking post. Are you ready? Here we go!

A little while ago my roommates and I watched “Rise of the Guardian” again because why not! When Santa has that little talk with Jack about his center it made me think about what my center was. Honestly, I didn’t have to think long and hard. It came to me pretty quickly actually. My center is Hope. I have an abundance of hope for myself, and for other people. When others seem to lose hope or faith, I’m always there to help them find it again. Especially with everything I have had to deal with in just the last few years alone. I’m surprised I have so much hope but as I see it, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

In one year I lost my mother to ALS (fuck ALS!), my husband left me and my youngest daughter, my eldest daughter decided to leave with him and that caused a huge strain in our relationship, and lost my home. My daughter and I had to bounce around a few places before friends said we could stay with them for however long. A temporary situation became somewhat permanent. Now it is as we will be moving in with one of the girls we are staying with. That was one tough year and if it wasn’t for my strong belief that everything will work out, the friends that helped, the love of my daughter, and my dog, I don’t know where we would be right now.

Since the end of 2017, we have had to sleep on couches but at least we are together and we are safe. I had to board my dog at a kennel though since we can’t keep him here. Now most people would just re-home their baby but I can’t do that. Thor was a rescue to begin with and through everything he has been there for me and my girl. He is my emotional support companion and I can’t just leave him. He’s my boy, my baby boy and I miss him something fierce but I know we will be reunited and things will be like they have always been. It’s just going to take time. The situation might not be ideal, but again, at least we are safe.

Oddly enough, getting through all the firsts without my mom was easy. It was the seconds that I found harder to get through. I managed, but at times it was beyond hard. Most of that was because of Thor. He was there for the firsts; he wasn’t for all the seconds. I’ll be ok though. I know I will have good days and bad days. Also, the end of my marriage isn’t a bad thing either. In all honesty it was over a long time ago, we were just fooling ourselves. What he did really made the decision to not try to work things out that much easier. I can’t get into details right now, just know it was BAD. I did date someone for a little over a year but that didn’t work out either. Not a story that I will bore you with. I’m happy and I’m doing well and that’s all that matters now.

If ever you feel like you’re losing all hope, refer to this blog and hopefully it will rekindle your own hope and faith. All situations are different for sure, but if you can learn something from this, know that there is always hope. No matter how little, it is there.

Now that you know what my center is, what’s yours? I’d love to hear it so please feel free to comment and share!